smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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