You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
