im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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