I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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