what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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