Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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