look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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