when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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