Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
