I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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