I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
