my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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