My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
