Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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