the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
