dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
