you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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