Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
two words: eviction party
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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