My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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