Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
