The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
