i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
