And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
