sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
