The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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