I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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