Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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