Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You ate ashes out of my bong
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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