You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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