i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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