the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
