I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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