I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have aggressive nipples.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
