I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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