Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
