My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
