Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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