we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
