Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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