3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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