Whod you bang
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
