stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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