If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
