i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
