I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
