he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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