Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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