Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sober January is a disaster.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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