She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
