at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
