i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
