flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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