Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunk is not a location!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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