My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
