I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
