the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
