I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
