My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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