A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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