I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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