You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
