Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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