Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
