Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
