So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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