Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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