We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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