can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
