Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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