i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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