tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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