I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
