Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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