Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
