Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
