I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
