Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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