When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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