Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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