so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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