So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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