you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
