eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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