how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
